Once Upon a Time...

What Books Changed Your Life?

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:32:54 GMT

My friend Ryan started this, and by God, I'm gonna finish it!

In the fourth grade something "clicked" in my head. I haven't the slightest idea what. I read two novelletes: One about a fictional author of "Dear Abby" and the other about a girl who turns into a mermaid.

I read them back to back and I've been reading novels ever since.

I loved reading before then. My father had all his collection of MAD magazine (most all of them since '58) as well as collecitons of Peanuts, The Wizard of ID and Tumbleweed.

When going on nights out and leaving us with the baby sitter, my parents would pick up a "grab bag" of comics for us three children to read. You can thank them (I'm guessing my father had a lot to do with the comics) for bringing me directly in the sights of X-Men, as Wolverine battled the Brood in the first comic I laid eyes on.

In Sixth grade the ante upped. I had three close friends in Austin - Justin, Adam and Micah and Adam showed me "The Hobbit". Seventh grade brought "Lord of the Rings". I'm still trying to find better and still failing.

Everything since then has been a blur of good and bad. I've transitioned primarly to audiobooks now, but I still do enjoy the paper read. Most notably the wonderful "World War Z - An oral history of the zombie war" by Max Brooks. Read this. Read it now. You will thank me big big later.

Shrooms!

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 22:49:33 GMT

Due to a combination of rain, surgery and laziness, my lawn did not have any tender care for three whole weeks.

On the plus side, we were able to save the princess in the mushroom kingdom...

I'm a Champ

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 22:15:56 GMT

Howdy Folks.

Been busy.

No, that's a lie. I've been playing Champions Online. Which is a bit like a heroin addict saying he's been going through a great deal of needles of late.

I hope you are all well.

Prepare for adorable!

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:07:00 GMT

Other children wanted a little butterfly on their cheek. All well and good. But Isabel? She wanted to be a Red-Eyed Tree Frog!

Natrually, her Pappa is quite proud.

I'm a hot mystic lady.

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 01:11:53 GMT

I'm just sayin'....

You walk a mystical path, and are a creature of the spiritual and the supernatural. You are introspective and self-reliant, but nobody will ever question your bravery or commitment to justice.

Take the quiz!

Updateliee-doo

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:41:43 GMT

Hello, dear friends, I hope you are well.

I upgrade RAM in the computer all by my lonesome. I had heard the usual cawing about big business driving out little ones then running up their prices. You heard that too? It's true.

While shopping about Best Buy wanted $60 smackeroos for the same RAM I got for thirty bucks online. There used to be a little computer store across the street from them, but they have gone by-by. Hmmm, I think the price jump is related, do you not?

Speaking of purchases, I helped my mother-in-law buy a car today. They wanted $4,600 for it. Taking Dave Ramsey's advice, I withdrew $4,000 in cash and made them an offer. They took it immediatly. Cash is powerful. It makes people go kind of wonky. If you can, offer people less with cash, you'll be amazed how often they'll take it.

I am well pleased with both my comic strips - Vox in a Box and the daily strip for Two Movie Guys. I have wanted to make a daily comic for ten years or so, and now being able to do so is a hoot. I hope you enjoy them.

Take care. Let me know how you're doing.

Rrrrrrain!

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:56:04 GMT

Rising at the crackass of dawn is tiresome, but it does on occasion have its advantages.

One is seeing a rainbow that steps across the sky in one, lovely arc.
This was but half, but you get the general grandeur.

Finally! A top 10 worthy of your consideration!

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:00:49 GMT

Ladies and Gentlemen! But mainly the ladies...

I submit to you-

The Top 10 Reasons to Marry a Nerd

10: They’ll never leave you (heck, they weren’t expecting to get someone as wonderful as you in the first place!).

9: All men have expensive hobbies, but nerd’s hobbies occasionally make millions of dollars (Bill Gates in his garage).

8: You don’t have to spend the next 70 years talking to someone who is the intellectual equivalent of John Madden.

7: They will buy you things. See #10 for reason. Please note you will have to instruct them what to buy you. They are oblivious but happy to please.

6: The tip? Oh yeah, they can calculate the tip. The sales tax? Fifteen percent off that dress? Yah, they can calculate that too.

5: When you have children, they will sit down and watch the cartoons with them instead of switching to “the game”.

4: If you are in danger, they will spazz out and Nerd-Fu to protect you. Think of Marty McFly in “Back to the Future”.

3: In bed? They’re willing to try anything. Come on, they dressed as Bobba Fett for Comic-Con, what do you think they won’t do for you?

2: Statistically speaking, you’re talking about a much, much bigger income.

1: The goals of a jock are to drink, party and have sex with as many women as possible. The goal of a nerd is the save the princess and live happily ever after.

Real American Heroes

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 21:52:08 GMT

Direct your mouse-controlled arrows to this link.

Ryan and Lucas will see to it that you never look at an accordian or wind-instrument in the same way.

Go Joe!

Time is a loop-de-loop

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:09:34 GMT

In 2004 I posted on here I must not, under any circumstances, play City of Heroes. Such a game would suck my free time like a vampire in a sorority house.

I did, of course, end up playing it.

Now, in less than a month, the creators of CoH are releasing Campions Online, based on a board and dice game I actually played in my nerdy youth (as opposed to my nerdy adulthood).

Ah my friends, I am lost. And I'm spandex bound.

Semper Fi

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 23:55:47 GMT

Today we laid Jennifer's Grandfather to rest.

I've had a chance to do many things with "my voice" (aka, radio voice) - I've been on Radio, Television, even film (sort of). I've been a magician, storyteller and a voice actor.

But today I had the opperutnity to do that which I was most proud of, deliver the eulogy for Donald Wilburn.

To quote Jennifer - Semper Fi, Grandpa, Semper Fi.

Books a plenty

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 02:54:49 GMT

sassy_red_head asked this on Facebook and I felt it a waste to not put it somewhere else... I don't expect you to write 15... but if you could let me know a few you find interesting... I'd like to know!

Fifteen Influencial Books (or series) to me...

1: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: This series taught me UNIVERSES are caught between pages. And there is a difference between descriptive and boring. This is descriptive.

2: Armor: It’s a strange tale of a strange world. Starship Troopers sort of ripped it off, but the character of Jack Crow stayed with me for years afterwards.

3: Vampire: Written by the same author who had the balls to put the same character in a completely different book (which they made a sub-standard movie from it). Jack Crow is good in anything.

4: Wizard and Glass: Stephen King does good work, but Wizard really had me from page one. Got me reading a love story, curse you King!

5: World War Z – An oral history of the Zombie War. Best… zombie… book… ever! I understand a movie is on the way. The narration in this tome is nothing short of brilliant. I could not stop reading it.

6: The Hobbit: Yes, I’m adding another Tolkien, but this started it all. I read it to my daughter and she loves it. It’s hard to find a more sweet story.

7: Peter Pan: Speaking of sweet… I’m sort of a sap, didn’t I tell you?

8: The Harry Potter Novels: I won’t waste more than one entry, but I LOVE narratives that span several books. Say what you like about them, but Rowling is an excellent storyteller, and I’ll take that any day.

9: A brief history of Time and The universe in a Nutshell: I love science… but I’m not a scientist. I don’t have the natural aptitude for advanced mathematics. However, to have one of the smartest persons on the planet, Stephen Hawking, explain how quantum physics applies to gambling… that’s a joy.

10: Interview with a Vampire: I couldn’t stop reading it. I read it in a day and a half.

11: The vampire Lestat: Fun, fanciful, wonderful. The rest of her work I find mostly crap.

12: Odd Thomas series: Dean Koontz is hit or miss with me, but his character of Odd is so endearing, it must make the list.

13: The Sandman comic books: If you have read them, you would not question me placing them among “books”.

14: The Dragonlance novels… the first six anyway… Yes, I know, this is little more than pulp fiction, but as a child they INSPIRED me to write stories! That means a great deal.

15: Anything by Malcom Gladwell: Ask my poor wife, Blink, Tipping Point, Outliers… I love any book that tells me WHY something happens.

Blizzard is going to run out of places to put money

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 02:33:16 GMT

It is official... Sam Raimi is tapped to direct the World of Warcraft movie.

Everyone, just give in and sign up for it now. Soon the whole world will be.

I am persoanlly looking forward to seeing Bruce Campbell playing a Nightelf.

blink

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:16:37 GMT

My father is on Facebook.

Ladies and Gentlemen... we are in the FUTURE!

Weakness...

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 03:18:00 GMT

So our family is a bit bigger.

Seems Jennifer aunt found a beagle weaving in and out of traffic.

Hmph.

I grew up with not one, but two beagles, both adorable and both long-lived as such things go.

Now we've got one more in my current family.

Please, give me a hand in welcoming... Shackleton!

He's rather shy, but scratch behind the left ear, he's rather partial to that.

Is this SAGgy?

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:00:05 GMT

I submitted my first SAG audio audition today. I am well pleased.

My good friend Ryan was instrumental in helping me put together a professional demo a while back and my friend Gene gave me the heads up. Gene and I had not spoken to in some time and we have reconnected through facebook. Gene is a cool guy... and no one plays a scary Nazi better than he.

On another note, Ryan (yes, the same Ryan) and Lucas have won a local contest, "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!" You can see the results here, it was a landslide.

If you're a local celebrity, you might as well be a the most FAMOUS of local celebrities.

I tell you this, I think they shall not remain local for long. I have reason to believe Two Movie Guys will be moving out of one market and into your homes soon.

Two Movie Guys

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:11:06 GMT

I've been thrilled to be a part of Two Movie Guys (twomovieguys.com to my internet friends).

Today they spotlighted me on their website. As you can imagine, getting reconition of this kind is both rare and wonderful. Thank you Lucas and Ryan.

Check out their message here. It's a great way to see a video of me in really, really bad drag.

Numero Cinco

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 02:35:19 GMT

I measure weight success by my black belt.

No, not my HIKEEBA black belt, but the one I wear with my suit.

At worst, I buckle up at the third notch.

Today, for the first time in too long, I notched the fifth hole, which means mi estómago is quite a bit smaller. Yah for dieting... especially when it actually works.

A Dollar here, a Dollar there... A reall BIG BIG BIG DOLLAR HERE...

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:03:40 GMT

As a coin magician, I am ever asking the following phrase to hapless bank tellers...

"Do you have any half dollars?"

Most often the answer is no, but if I am persistent, I do get enough yesses to keep me supplied.

Today after uttering my coin related statement the attendant's eyes brightened and she replied, "No, but we have the Eisenhower Dollars!"

Seems a young lady had been given twenty-two and immediatly deposited the heavy currency.

There are several magical effects that are markedly better with full dollars, but I've never tried to accomplish them because of my lack of coins.

That's a lotta metal...

I'm looking forward to the upcoming practice.

Auxiliary Pets: Two-Tone et. al.

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:34:14 GMT

Two-Tone...

And his amazing friend!

Every night in summer the back porch light stays on through the darkness.

This is not to retard the access of a would-be robber, but to facilitate the feeding of our ancillary pets – the toads.

Last year the star was a three legged hopper we dubbed “Tripod”.

This year the star is Two-Tone, so named because the two sides of his head are of markedly different hue, though the attached pictures do not show it well.

Two-Tone is the most regular, and therefore the fattest, of our warty guests, but I also snapped a pick of one of his companions.

As long as the light burns, dozens, perhaps hundreds of insects flutter close. Often the June Bugs wander to the ground, spinning about and catching the eye of the waiting amphibians. You can almost, almost hear the sound of their tongues flicking out. Like any good magic trick, the bugs disappear forever.

I’m rather fond of toads and frogs. If I can give them an extra snack by flicking a switch, then by all means, let the midnight oil burn.

I have officially outsmarted myself

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:49:50 GMT

Which is not hard, you understand…

I finally figured out how to make both www.michaelcorley.com and michaelcorley.com redirect to my blog. I figured out how to trick my blog into looking like a real website while still giving me the ease of blogger updating.

*sigh*

Now the few files I need that are stored on michaelcorley.com aren’t accessible because when trying to listen to, say, michaelcorely.com/braums.mp3 it redirects to the blog and thus gives me an error message.

Someday a small but diligent robot will do all of this for me, but for now I shall cry.

Kindness unlooked for

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:18:35 GMT

I'm at the TGI Fridays at the DWF airport. Two and a half hour layovers... yah!

Two seats down, a mother and child are watching for those in military uniform. When a solider walks by the child yells out, "Hey mister soldier man!"

When they come over the woman gives them a food gift card.

Undiluted niceness is a pleasure to see anytime.

Reversal

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:44:49 GMT

I have played the part of a salesman for a dozen years (more if you count selling Boy Scout candy bars) and a nugget or three of knowledge have come my way as a result.

Here’s one of my favorites.

If you wish to reach someone via phone ask for their name first, then announce your name. This may seem a tiny difference, but mentally it’s huge. The receptionist is instantly thinking of the correct buttons to press the moment the name comes up rather than, “Is this someone I should put through?”

For Example: Replace
“Hi, I’m Michael Corley calling to reach Jane Smothers.”
with
“Hi, I’m calling to reach Jane Smothers, this is Michael Corley calling.”

There is nothing sneaky about this. It’s a simple mental shortcut that will get you put through more often.

And if that doesn’t work, then we can discuss dressing up as the UPS delivery man.

Classy

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:37:28 GMT

I do not fly as much as some business folk, but it is still a monthly event. My super sexy and travel savvy wife puts me in for upgrades on my rare long trips. For example, manana I shall be scooting to Irvine. I assure you getting the first class bump on a 2 and a half hour flight is mighty fine.

Do you ever get to go in the front of the plane? If so, what do you like about it most?

In the name of all non-sports fans, I proclaim this awesome!

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 15:58:06 GMT

Last night after Sarah Palin’s “speech” (I use quotations because it in fact sounded like a jumble of half-sentences from someone on the edge of panic) the news horde went into full gear analyzing the bizarre resignation.

I’m not here to talk about that, but what the reporter said during an interview with Palin’s liaison.

The stand-in for Palin gave a cliché about Basketball, which mirrored similar lines from Palin’s speech (I believe the soon-to-be former governor of Alaska used to play B-ball). This pat response was meant to sound meaningful and powerful, while divulging no information.

The reporter replied, “I don’t know anything about basketball. I know politics. That’s what I’m asking you about.”

…

For me? Stunned silence. That’s the answer I’ve been waiting for all my life.

I’m sorry, but do you know how many times I’ve heard sports analogies in my endless sales meetings? Do you know how many times I’ve seen clips of the movie “Rudy” to inspire me? Do you know how the various images of monstrous football players and helmeted baseball folk running about is supposed to vault me to heights of glory?

Now, understand, I have nothing against sports. I just hate that I am expected to know its nuances, to love its trappings and to speak about it with authority because of my genitalia.

I have every intention of internalizing this, and the next time I am slammed with another tired cliché of “our goals are just like those in football” I can respond.

I can say with confidence, “I don’t know anything about football. I know about sales”.